November 10th/Surgery

Sometimes in life things are taking out of our hands. When I was a little girl I was always worried about not being able to have kids. Something wouldn't work right. So when I found out I was pregnant with Lily I thought all my worries were over. So I thought! Come to find out my body never liked being pregnant! (though neither did I)

Josh and I starting having kids pretty quick after we got married. Looking back Josh and I have always said that we are very grateful for our kids, but we wished we would have waited a little. That is until NOW! After Sadie was born I WAS DONE!!! I didn't want anymore. Being pregnant was just so hard in so many ways, and the thought of doing it again made me sick. So when I started to feel like we needed to have another one I wasn't very happy! I ignored it for about 5 months. Thinking "Oh it will just go away! RIGHT?" WRONG!!!! When we decided that we would have one more Josh wanted to wait, and I didn't. He thought lets just wait till Sadie is like 3 then we will start to try, and see what happens. I did NOT want to do that. I just felt like we needed to have him now. So, for those who don't know we were VERY lucky to get Ethan. Those 35 weeks were the longest/hardest weeks of my life. Up/down right/left was everything with that pregnancy. Right after Ethan was born it was just Josh and I in the room with him. I was holding him and I remember looking at Josh and saying, "Ok we are done!" Josh felt the same way. So things were good. Ethan was 3 months old and we did "stuff" to help make sure we were done. 1 month after that things started to go down hill with me.

I started getting crazy periods! My OB/GYN tried all sorts of different things to get things under control. Nothing worked! So I had to have my first surgery. When I was sitting in my hospital bed waiting to go back for my surgery I remember the nurse looking at me and said "Ok dear, we are going to just microwave your uterus." I thought oh wow that sounds nice. So I had that done and it seemed to work. That is for about 6 months! As soon as we moved things started to come back again. At first it was little and only every 4-5 weeks. Then very fast it started coming every 4 days. YES that is right girls....I have my period every 4 DAYS!!! (Poor Josh!!!) I went in to the doctor and he looked at me and said "Sarah, we have to take it out."

At first I was so happy about it. I thought good I won't have this crazy crap going on, and my moods might go back to normal. (Well, for as normal for me that is! :) I walked out of the office just so happy. As soon as I got back to the car the flood gates opened. I started crying really hard. All I kept thinking was "Why am I crying, I am happy about it. Or at least I thought I was." I pulled myself to together and went and got my kids and went home. I couple of days later I was in the store with Ethan and Sadie. On this day the two kids were not being the wonderful kids we all know they are! :) Hahaha I turned the corner and started down the aisle pleading with Sadie not to touch anything on this aisle. When I looked up one of the sisters from our ward was their. She stopped and asked "How are you guys doing?" The flood gates opened again. I just started crying hard again. I felt so dumb! Here I am in the middle for Wal-Mart crying my eyes out to a sister in my ward that I didn't even know that well. All as Sadie is running up and down the aisle, and Ethan was ripping a bag of chips open and screaming at me. I am sure the sister was thinking "WOW I should have never stopped and asked."

After telling her everything all she did was give me a big hug and tell me she understood. She had the same thing happen to her. Only it was after her 3rd child was born. She told me that she was just so happy when the doctor said lets just take it all out, and then as soon as she really stopped to think about it she was very sad by it all. I didn't understand why I was sad about it. I was so tired with dealing with everything. So after I got home from the store I sat down and really thought about it. And I figured it out!

I was sad because the stuff they were going to be taking out helped me have 4 beautiful children. Because of it I get to watch Lily grow and become a wonderful young lady. I get to watch Emma laugh so hard she starts to cry! I get to see Sadie run and play. Because of it I have a wonderful (LITTLE) boy that smile lights up the world. So even though I felt complete with my life these great doctors were taking something from me that played a very big part in shaping who I am today. A MOTHER!!! Although I have not always liked my uterus it has been a big part of me. So on Tuesday I might not have all my parts anymore, but that doesn't change my job or who I am. A mother. A driver. A mom, Mom, MOm, MOM. A lap. A throw up catcher. (Not one of my favorites) A fixer. A nose wiper. And so may other things that us moms do!

The doctor told me that even if we weren't done we would have had to be. It all had to come out, and now. So Josh and I are now very glad that we didn't wait to have the kids. We might not have be able to have them all. And even though sometimes I want to pull my hair out and run away I am very thankful to have them. So on Tuesday I will be a little different but still a MOTHER!!! The best job! So thank you uterus for all the great years! Thank you for helping me become what I am everyday of the week, 24/7. A MOTHER!!!

Montana, Halloween, Cheer Camp, Walking, and some cute kids

Yes we are still around and going a thousand miles a minute! Just in the past week and half this is what we have been up too. Josh had last week off of work and my mom was having surgery. So my wonderful husband stayed home with the kids while I was in Montana with my mom. She is doing a lot better now. The first couple of days after surgery were really hard but sometimes that is just how it works out.
I got home just in time for Halloween! Josh and I were invited to a adult Halloween party. We have never been to one before and had a great time. We all dressed up this year! Josh was a prisoner, I was Batgirl, Lily was a Spider witch, Emma was a Witch, Sadie was Addy Cabby and Ethan was Batman. The kids thought it was just so cool that mom and dad also dressed up. We normal don't.

Ethan's costume came with a mask. He didn't like to wear it but for just a small moment we got him to keep it on so we could take some pictures!

The girls were so cute this year! Sadie just thought it was so much fun to trick-or-treat!

I told Josh that we had to get pictures taken of us and Batman! He might be small but he has a lot of power!

I am guessing that in the sprite of Halloween Lily and Matthew (lily's best friend) caught a Tarantula. It was NOT welcome in my house! Lily thought it was so cool and wanted so bad to keep it as a pet. If you know me I DON'T DO SPIDERS!!!!! So it was let go! Oh living in the desert!

Cheer Camp
Lily and Emma went to cheer camp this year! They LOVED it. It was a week long thing, and kept me so crazy dropping off and picking up. I think I now know why mom's can't wait until their kids start to drive. It seems like sometimes that is all I do is just run around and drop and pick up kids. Oh the joys!

Friday night the girls got to preform at half time at the football game. It was so cute to watch! Josh looked at me while Emma was dancing and cheering and said "I think we better get ready for Cheer leading!" I just smiled and said "Probably!" She was in her element out there that is for sure.

Ethan is WALKING!!!!! He looks even smaller now that he is walking. He is still very unsure, but he is walking more and more everyday! So instead of crawling out of his pants he just stands up and they fall off. Maybe one day he will fit into his clothes. 15 months old and is just now wearing 6-12 pants! I know it is a little sad! :(

Now we are just getting ready for my surgery that is happing next week and Thanksgiving! I am having surgery on the 10th. I am having a Hysterectomy. Well a Laparoscopic Hysterectomy to use the right term. All those wonderful parts are not happy so I have to have them taken out. Though that is a whole nothing story inside of itself. So maybe while I am recovery from it and not aloud to do anything I will post about it then.

So as you can see we have been busy! Sometimes I think that life will slow down and then I realises that I really like life just the way it is! I have a wonderful husband! 4 great/health kids, and a place we call home. Now really who could ask for anything more!

A little News

NO WE ARE NOT PREGNANT!!!! It seems like whenever anyone puts news as a title of the post they are going to announce that they are pregnant! SO no we are not having another baby! Just to clear that up! :)

The little news I do have is that next year I am going back to school! I can't wait! I have started a new blog just for it, plus other things too. I am going to school to get my degree in Photography. So if anyone wants to check it out go ahead! It is just a fun little place for me and my pictures! :)

http://alittlewindowintolife.blogspot.com/

(Side note: It is also my 100th post. FUN! A little news to go along with it!)

What have you been up too?

So the kids have been asking for another dog. Josh and I are just not ready yet so at first we got them fish. That was fun for like a day, then they started asking again for a dog. I told the girls that maybe santa would bring one. So this is our new pet!!! (Just kidding!) This is a bat that decided to make our front porch its home. He/She was just sleeping there. The bat itself was no bigger then a golf ball. The kids thought it was great!

Josh had the last week off of work. We decided to just stay in town and play at home. Sometimes that is just as much fun! Since the weather has been not so crazy hot we have been going to the park a lot more. The kids love it! We went and got some food and went to the park for a picnic and played that is until the sprinklers came on and got us all wet.

Sadie was all about pulling silly faces that day! I couldn't get her to just smile. I caught Ethan giving Josh a kiss. Ethan like to give OPEN mouth kisses. Hopefully that will stop before he turns 16!

My brother John and his wife Robin were in Vegas, so they came for a visit. It was so much fun seeing them. We haven't seen them in a long time. The kids had a great time with them too. Sadie was so excited when we told her that they live near Tinker Bells house. She just couldn't believe that. It was so funny!

We went to the splash pad! This one of our favorties! The kids LOVE it.
Emma loves Ethan so much. All the girls love him, but Emma is always holding him. Sometimes even when Ethan doesn't want to be held! Skinny boy!!! Ethan is in 6-9 month clothes. The swimming suit he has on is a 3-6 month one. Sometimes it is just so sad.

Ethan is now 14 months old and he is still not walking. Though he doesn't really crawl on his knees anymore. He is doing this lovely crawl. We have been calling it the mowgli (from Jungle Book) Maybe someday he will stand up and walk. Though with he being so small he is going to look even littler walking.

The kids all just love to be in the water, though what kids don't like to be in the water! One of many free things to do here. I thought that the water was a little cold, but the kids loved it. I love getting pictures of the kids when they don't see me taking a picture. To me those are some of the best pictures!

Ethan was watching TV with Josh. Sweet boy fell asleep doing it. Watching TV is very hard work.

So there is a little of what we have been doing! Adopting a new pet :) running around in the water, swing on swings, playing with family, giving kisses, and lets not forget the most important part taking naps!

School Pictures

Lily is just growing up way to fast for me! I look at this picture and just can't believe how big she has got. She is now talking on the phone. Talking about boys, school, friends. I am not ready at all.
Emma looks so big too! They both have changed so much. Emma has been having a hard time with adjusting to school. I had a friend tell me the other day it is because she has realised that she is growing up and is no longer that little girl anymore. And it is just as scary for her as it is for me. When the girls brought there school pictures home I loved they way they turned out, but at the same time there was a sick feeling in my stomach. I don't want my girls to grow up. I am not ready! I know that a lot of my post have been about this lately, but I just have been having a really hard time with it. Time just needs to slow down! Hold on to every moment! That is what I am living by these days!

Back in the day

I was taking the kids to tumbling yesterday. In the car I had Lily, Lily's best friend Matthew, Emma, Sadie and Ethan. I could here them talking about something, so I turned down the music so I could listen. Because we all know sometimes kids have the best conversation! This is what I heard!

Matthew: "Lily have you ever had cotton candy?"
Lily: "I am not sure if I have or not. What does it look like?"
Matthew: "Well it looks like cotton candy. It can be blue or pink."
Lily: "Mom have I ever had cotton candy? "
Me: "I don't think so."
Matthew: "Sarah, did they even have cotton candy back when you were little?"
Me: "Yes, Matthew they did!"

I couldn't believe that I was getting the "back when you were little" question. It made me feel so old, and really I am not that old. Yes I am getting close to my 30! Yes I have a daughter that is in 2nd grade and is getting baptized in 41/2 months. Yes I am done having kids! Yes I am starting to have eye wrinkles. Yes Josh and I have started to have "THAT" talk with Lily. Yes I have been out of High School for just about 10 years. Yes I have been married for almost 9 years. Yes our kids have NO IDEA what a tape deck is. No my kids don't know what life is without cell phones.

Ok so maybe I am starting to get old! Though I really wouldn't change anything about that. All I can say is that it is very bitter/sweet! And yes Matthew, cotton candy was around when I was a kid! And YES it was just as good then as it is now!!!!

Growing up fast

Before school started Josh and I took the girls shopping for clothes and lunch boxes. It was so much fun! The girls had so much fun picking out their first day outfit. They would try the clothes on and then go out and show them to Josh. He said that it was so fun, yet sad at the same time. Watching our girls grow up!
After shopping we took the girls out to dinner! Emma and Lily we love you so much! We are so happy to see you grow up into wonderful young women. We love you girls, and try not to grow up to fast!