Life

We have been really busy lately! Sometimes I wonder if life will ever slow down. So far it doesn't look like it will. We are all finally feeling better! YEA!!! (No more changing running poop) :) Josh really hasn't heard anything yet on a job. He has 3 interviews this week, so we will see what come out of those. I have never been very good at being in limbo. I was doing pretty good at it until today. I broke down and just cried. All last weekend Josh and I cleaned the house and got it ready to go on the market. Yep, that is right we are having to sell our house. Our realtor came over last Friday and talked to us, and took some pictures. While we were walking through the house showing him, it all of a sudden came VERY real. We are moving! We don't have a job anymore! Where are we going to go? How will the kids handle all this? If the house sells fast where will we go? All these questions started to just flood me. As soon as the realtor left I just sat down and didn't know what to think or say.

My testimony has really been hit hard by all this. I just don't understand why? WHY? WHY? I know that I may never will know why. This last Sunday it was Stake Conference. As I know you all know we have 4 small kids. Stake Conference is SO hard with them. Josh and I didn't really want to go. It is so hard to get the kids to sit through an hour so two seemed impossible. Saturday night Josh came to me and asked again if we should go. I told him again that I didn't know. Sunday morning came and we all got up. I really didn't want to go. I knew that Sadie would be really hard. It was right during Ethan's nap time, and well I wasn't feeling much need to go to church. I have noticed that it has been really hard to keep up my end when right now I really don't feel like Heavenly Father really care's or is there. Though I kept thinking that I needed to go if for anything to show my kids that we need to go to church. So we got everyone ready and went. We had to sit in the back of coarse. As soon as we got there things very quickly went down hill. Lily and Emma kept fighting. Emma spilled her jelly beans all over the floor. Sadie was freaking out because we forgot her cup, and Ethan was starting to get tired. The whole first hour I didn't hear anything. I walked the halls with Ethan while Josh walked the halls with Sadie trying to get her mind off her cup. The second hour Ethan was finally a sleep, and Sadie had forgotten about her cup. So Josh and I got to sit and at least hear a little.
Dalan H. Oaks was there. That was pretty cool! He was the last to speak. When he stood up and started to speak I got goose bumps everywhere. He talked about being a missionary, and doing whatever we could to help bring more people to the gospel. When he sat down, I thought "Why did I come?" The kids were really hard, and I didn't really get anything out of it. Our stake chore got up to sing. They sung "I know that my Redeemer lives" Now I have heard that song as well as sung it myself a thousand times. When they started singing I started crying. All of a sudden I felt like I was the only one in the room. They were singing that song to me. "I know that my Redeemer lives. What conferted this sweet sentence gives." That just hit me, and I felt that my Heavenly Father really did love me. He does care for me! I am a daughter of God. Nothing can change that. Not, money or lack there of. Not a house. Not a job. NOTHING could. As I sat there I felt like we were going to get through all this. We WERE going to be ok. We might have some more rough days, but we would be ok in the end. The kids were going to get through this too. Our little family was going to be OK!
I do have a testimony! It was just hard to see for awhile. I know that Jesus die for me, and I will always be so grateful for that. He knew how I had been feeling, and when I look back on all this I will see only ONE footprint in the sand. I will know that he DID carry me through this. He is always there for me. This church is TRUE!
I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. Josh has put up with a lot from me lately. One of my friends told me last week "You know Sarah, you and Josh are on the same team." It was so simple, but it just hit me. So I have been trying really hard to just know that we are both having a hard time right now. He is so good with the kids. Emma and Lily our in softball right now, and today was Emma's first game. It was so cute to see how proud Josh was of her. He was so cute! I am very thankful for the kids. My girls can be really hard, but I don't know what I would do without them. Ethan's smile lights me up all the time. Ethan also LOVES to cuddle. I love it. When you hold him he is always giving you hugs. Today at the game I was holding him. He put his head on my shoulder and started cooing. I love that.
So things right now might be really hard for our little family, but we will all get through it. We have each other, and we have our Heavenly Father. And for all that I am very thankful! Never give up! :)