November 10th/Surgery

Sometimes in life things are taking out of our hands. When I was a little girl I was always worried about not being able to have kids. Something wouldn't work right. So when I found out I was pregnant with Lily I thought all my worries were over. So I thought! Come to find out my body never liked being pregnant! (though neither did I)

Josh and I starting having kids pretty quick after we got married. Looking back Josh and I have always said that we are very grateful for our kids, but we wished we would have waited a little. That is until NOW! After Sadie was born I WAS DONE!!! I didn't want anymore. Being pregnant was just so hard in so many ways, and the thought of doing it again made me sick. So when I started to feel like we needed to have another one I wasn't very happy! I ignored it for about 5 months. Thinking "Oh it will just go away! RIGHT?" WRONG!!!! When we decided that we would have one more Josh wanted to wait, and I didn't. He thought lets just wait till Sadie is like 3 then we will start to try, and see what happens. I did NOT want to do that. I just felt like we needed to have him now. So, for those who don't know we were VERY lucky to get Ethan. Those 35 weeks were the longest/hardest weeks of my life. Up/down right/left was everything with that pregnancy. Right after Ethan was born it was just Josh and I in the room with him. I was holding him and I remember looking at Josh and saying, "Ok we are done!" Josh felt the same way. So things were good. Ethan was 3 months old and we did "stuff" to help make sure we were done. 1 month after that things started to go down hill with me.

I started getting crazy periods! My OB/GYN tried all sorts of different things to get things under control. Nothing worked! So I had to have my first surgery. When I was sitting in my hospital bed waiting to go back for my surgery I remember the nurse looking at me and said "Ok dear, we are going to just microwave your uterus." I thought oh wow that sounds nice. So I had that done and it seemed to work. That is for about 6 months! As soon as we moved things started to come back again. At first it was little and only every 4-5 weeks. Then very fast it started coming every 4 days. YES that is right girls....I have my period every 4 DAYS!!! (Poor Josh!!!) I went in to the doctor and he looked at me and said "Sarah, we have to take it out."

At first I was so happy about it. I thought good I won't have this crazy crap going on, and my moods might go back to normal. (Well, for as normal for me that is! :) I walked out of the office just so happy. As soon as I got back to the car the flood gates opened. I started crying really hard. All I kept thinking was "Why am I crying, I am happy about it. Or at least I thought I was." I pulled myself to together and went and got my kids and went home. I couple of days later I was in the store with Ethan and Sadie. On this day the two kids were not being the wonderful kids we all know they are! :) Hahaha I turned the corner and started down the aisle pleading with Sadie not to touch anything on this aisle. When I looked up one of the sisters from our ward was their. She stopped and asked "How are you guys doing?" The flood gates opened again. I just started crying hard again. I felt so dumb! Here I am in the middle for Wal-Mart crying my eyes out to a sister in my ward that I didn't even know that well. All as Sadie is running up and down the aisle, and Ethan was ripping a bag of chips open and screaming at me. I am sure the sister was thinking "WOW I should have never stopped and asked."

After telling her everything all she did was give me a big hug and tell me she understood. She had the same thing happen to her. Only it was after her 3rd child was born. She told me that she was just so happy when the doctor said lets just take it all out, and then as soon as she really stopped to think about it she was very sad by it all. I didn't understand why I was sad about it. I was so tired with dealing with everything. So after I got home from the store I sat down and really thought about it. And I figured it out!

I was sad because the stuff they were going to be taking out helped me have 4 beautiful children. Because of it I get to watch Lily grow and become a wonderful young lady. I get to watch Emma laugh so hard she starts to cry! I get to see Sadie run and play. Because of it I have a wonderful (LITTLE) boy that smile lights up the world. So even though I felt complete with my life these great doctors were taking something from me that played a very big part in shaping who I am today. A MOTHER!!! Although I have not always liked my uterus it has been a big part of me. So on Tuesday I might not have all my parts anymore, but that doesn't change my job or who I am. A mother. A driver. A mom, Mom, MOm, MOM. A lap. A throw up catcher. (Not one of my favorites) A fixer. A nose wiper. And so may other things that us moms do!

The doctor told me that even if we weren't done we would have had to be. It all had to come out, and now. So Josh and I are now very glad that we didn't wait to have the kids. We might not have be able to have them all. And even though sometimes I want to pull my hair out and run away I am very thankful to have them. So on Tuesday I will be a little different but still a MOTHER!!! The best job! So thank you uterus for all the great years! Thank you for helping me become what I am everyday of the week, 24/7. A MOTHER!!!